Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
