I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
