I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
