fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
