weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
