I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
