end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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