Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
