Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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