That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
