I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
