I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize