just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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