stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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