Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
