ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
