How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
