uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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