I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
