My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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