Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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