yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
