I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
