she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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