did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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