I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
