Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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