watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
