Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
