Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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