i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
