Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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