he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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