We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
