ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Betty ford says i'm here all night
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
