maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
