I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
