Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
