I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I supernannyed him into submission
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
