fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
