Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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