Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
