so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
