apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
