I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
