somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
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She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
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I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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