Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
