You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
