Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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