Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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