Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize
