I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
