he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
