Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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