how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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