Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
