Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Found the puke drawer
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
