If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
