im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
