Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
