I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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