Swine flu. Run for my life!
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
