i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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