Kiss
Puke
You work out of a Hotel?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The adults are the big ones right?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
