theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
