I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
